For those who have been with me from the start, this blog was created in 2013 (January 23 to be exact). I want to celebrate the blog’s 3rd year and welcome all the newbies who have landed here. So many things have changed since 3 years ago, it makes one wonder how dynamic human beings are (getting scientific here). I’m going to be a little emotional here and give you a summary of what has happened in my life. For those who were with me since day 1 of this ride, it’s like reading sparknotes lol.
Moved to Alberta for a job. At that time, I had a very supportive boyfriend who was with me for the ride.
Towards the end of this year I came back to Ontario and started working up North. I traveled weekly back to Toronto to see my family and my boyfriend (back then).
After a few jobs I somehow found myself back in Toronto and landed an awesome position in downtown (still my current one).
Due to many issues or unknown ones, my boyfriend and I split up. During this time, my last grandparent also passed away. I want to take some time to talk about my life at this point because it was really indeed the worst of the worst. My grandmother who passed away was not in Toronto, she was in Hong Kong. The last I saw of her was during my last trip (I was actually going to Hong Kong that same year but I missed her). She had dementia and could not remember my dad nor myself. I saw for the first time my dad in tears (and I mean it was sad). As I left the room I reflected on my role as a health care provider and started crying. Where my grandmother was…can it even be called a nursing or retirement home? With no privacy, just bed beside bed, that was how my grandmother spent her last years. I first heard the news of my grandmother turning for the worse at work, I don’t know why, but I suddenly bursted into tears. At this time, my boyfriend and I had already split up and I had no one to turn to. I didn’t want to burden my friends with this news…what were they going to do? I stuck around at home (took a few days off) and provided my dad with comfort.
The breakup haunted me until early 2016 and as if I was a naive little girl, I was hit with the reality that Santa wasn’t real (aka love isn’t easy). I thought all relationships where people put in effort would survive…at least for me it would. Do I know what really happened? Probably partially. I learned for the first time what it meant to have pain so deep, even medications would not heal it. I learned what it meant to stop eating, stop sleeping, stop caring, and stop thinking. For 1 whole day, I found myself asking the question, “Why am I alive?”
Instead of focusing on work, I talked to friends non-stop. They were my little angels, helping me through the toughest part. I’m impressed I even got this far. Trust me, time heals everything.
By the end of 2015 I started focusing on my fitness and picked up volleyball again. I had gone on a few dates and one particular guy stuck out. He stayed with me regardless of how bad I was to him (yea, I can be a bitch at times). Soon later, we started to date.
Confused about love? Well sometimes people leave you for a reason you will never know. There is no such thing as closure, so move on…
It’s a new year and possibly a new start. I’ve played volleyball religiously since October and I’m now at an intermediate level. Not that I wasn’t before but I can proudly say yes, I’m playing as an intermediate skilled athlete (haha, are you saying I’m lying now?). Today after finishing up a class, I felt a tear roll down the side of my cheek. What happened? Oh right, I now have a reason to live. I have a goal. On the outside I usually appear quite okay, but deep down that breakup scarred me quite deep. Imagine finding someone you want to marry like in those Disney movies. You wake up next day after whatever argument and realize, shit, he’s no longer mine. Not only is that person no longer than yours, but he will forever remain a stranger. Never saw him again since that day of break up and I doubt I ever will. Today, I am happy to know that I’m okay and LOSING WEIGHT (finally damn it). If it wasn’t for my ex-boyfriend I wouldn’t pursue a sport I love and I wouldn’t be healthy and fit. It doesn’t matter where he is now, hopefully doing what he loves like myself (but it’s okay if he lives with regret and misery too lols). But I learned that in life you need have your own bubble too. I’m not saying I know what I want now but the future seems a little brighter (and a lot less gloomy).
Thank you for reading. Let’s have an awesome year =)